When children disclose sexual abuse it is important that the person hearing the disclosure respond in a supportive way. In fact, the way in which a disclosure is handled can have a profound impact on the outcome of the investigation. There are three important rules for handling a child's disclosure:

• Believe the child
• Remain Calm
• Ask open-ended questions, if necessary

It is important to always believe what the child tells you. Children do not make up allegations of sexual abuse. The child may tell you something shocking and unbelievable. He/she may implicate someone you think is incapable of sexually abusing a child. Regardless of what you think of the disclosure, you need to suspend any disbelief you may have. One reason children hesitate to disclose sexual abuse is because they think no one will believe them.

Your demeanor is very important to the child. He/she has chosen to tell you about the abuse because he/she trusts you. You must remain calm while you are with the child. You must communicate to the child that you can handle the information.

It is important for you to deal with the emotions you are feeling, but not while you are with the child. If you are feeling overwhelmed seek support from a friend, colleague, or mental health professional. In order to provide support for the child you need to have adequate support yourself.

Many times children either hint about the abuse or give vague disclosures. If this happens you will need to get more information. To the extent possible, ask open-ended questions, so the child can tell you in his/her own words what happened. “Tell me more about that,” or “Then what happened?” are good ways to get information. 

As soon as you suspect what the child is telling you is abuse, stop asking questions. This can be difficult because you will naturally want to know everything that happened. It is important to allow the investigator to ask the questions, so there is the best possible opportunity for the child to make a full disclosure. If the child is not ready to talk about the abuse, it can be damaging to push him/her to do so. Of course, if the child wants to talk, be sure to listen and provide plenty of support. In all cases let the child know that he/she did the right thing and that you will do all you can to help keep him/her safe.

Finally, make a report. Colorado law requires you to report as soon as you suspect abuse. You do not need to confirm or be able to prove your suspicions. Remember, you are in a position to make a great difference in the lives of children.